Kids say the darnedest things. And, sometimes, students write the darnedest things. An essay response is required on every examination that I give in my History classes at Murray State.
Students often produce well-reasoned, well-organized, and well-crafted essays within a fixed block of time, one hour and fifteen minutes for a Tuesday/Thursday class. This is no small achievement.
From time to time, however, the pressure of the clock and a lack of preparation cause students to state ideas with less clarity. Sometimes, faulty sentence structure, poor word choice, and fuzzy thinking (all problems for which I have been guilty) produce sentences that I wince at and savor all at once, sentences that I am quick to include in a growing “student blooper” file.
Bloopers are not limited to student essays, of course. Sunday School provides a venue for children to utter their own interpretations of the Bible. A recent email I received revealed a few “Bible Facts from Kids.” One young Bible scholar assures us that “Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire at night.” Another stated confidently that “Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.” Yet another offered one concept of Biblical marriage. “Christians should have only one wife,” the youngster said, before quickly adding, “This is called monotony.”
Church bulletins sometimes reveal less than enduring truths. One bulletin announced, “Thursday at 5:00 p. m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers’ Club. All those wishing to become little mothers, please meet with the minister in his study.” Another bulletin proclaimed, “This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.” In one announcement for a church charity function, it was revealed that “The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.”
My favorite bloopers come in the written offerings of History students. I grade essays for style as well as content, and sometimes students resent such meddling.
On one of my course evaluations one student moaned (and I quote directly): “This is a History class not an English class I do not feel me English down fall should make me loose points. Even English class was give more than 5 min. after answering 40 problems to write 3 pages with no gram. & spelling mistakes.” Oh well.
In an examination essay, one of my very own students stated that “the biggest gold rush in the 1880’s was the 1849 gold rush.” My students are not the only culprits, however. Richard Lederer, a teacher in Concord, New Hampshire, is the editor of “Anguished English,” a book in which he compiled some favorite bloopers from his students at St. Paul’s School.
One of Mr. Lederer’s students wrote that “Ancient Egypt was inhabited my mummies, and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.” In a unit on ancient Greece, a student revealed that “Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.”
In American History, one student elaborated on the early years of Abraham Lincoln. “Lincoln’s mother died in infancy,” the student wrote, “and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.” My favorite blooper came from the pen of a student contemplating the achievement of Sir Francis Drake when the explorer circumnavigated the globe. Perhaps the student was confused when he or she wrote, “Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a hundred foot clipper.” Oh me.
No comments:
Post a Comment